new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
