How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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