My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
