I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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