No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
