Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
