Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
