I could make wine with my vomit
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
