I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
