I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
