Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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