There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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