He kissed a someone with a penis
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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