I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
