It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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