So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
