PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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