Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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