yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
