SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
