break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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