there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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