God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
