Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize