spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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