Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
