I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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