Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they're like a gay fantastic four
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
