okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
