And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
