I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
