Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
