There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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