I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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