i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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