I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
