youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
