he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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