Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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