I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
