Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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