Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
