I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
