she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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