Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
