i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
