you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
