Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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