Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
