Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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