Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
