R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
