i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
