David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
