I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
