I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
