she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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