Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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