Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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