You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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