READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
