..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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