Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i will never coherently bang her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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