My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
