so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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