so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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