that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
