Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize