this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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