I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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