just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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